A Few Ways
To Kill A Tree
Buy a tree on sale that has been starved for water, food,
and is pot-bound. The tree will probably
have a weak structure; this is why no one has purchased it. Get that real tall 3-gallon plant that should
be in a 15 gallon pot. To be sure you
are buying a root bound plant; make sure there are big roots coming out of the
holes in the bottom of the pot.
Set the tree in the back of a pickup truck or on the roof of
your car with no protective covering for the foliage. Drive 70 mph home with the wind battering the
tree (this is good practice for hurricane season), or decide to do other
errands while it sits in your truck all day.
When you get home, the tree will be defoliated and further dried out.
After you have cut away the plastic container, be sure you
have nice circling, woody roots. Dig
that million dollar hole. Go 5 feet deep
and 5 feet wide and amend with fresh cow manure from your friend’s farm and
leaves you picked up in plastic bags from around your neighborhood. Once this organic stuff begins to decompose,
it will rob your tree of more nutrients and settle. This is a guarantee that your plant will be
planted below existing grade, starving it for oxygen.
Plant your new specimen tree near your house, between the
driveway and the sidewalk that leads to your front door so it will be easy to
keep an eye on it. This way when it gets
older, it can rub up and damage your roof and the roots can damage your sidewalk,
driveway and foundation of your home.
Planting near a down spot is nice for the free water off of
your roof. During rainy seasons, this
will also help the tree drown.
When you plant the tree, make sure the soil goes over the
root ball so the tree looks like a telephone pole or pencil coming straight out
of the ground. Make sure that the flare
of the tree is below grade.
When you get the tree in the hole, you need to stake
it. The old garden hose cut up with wire
run through it is still a popular way to kill a tree. Stake it in three directions tightly so that
the tree doesn’t sway in the wind, thus guaranteeing that the tree will not
become strong enough to support itself.
Mark your calendar three years from the day you staked it. If the tree hasn’t already died, the guide
wires from the stakes should have girdled it by now. If you want to make sure you kill the tree,
put tree wrap on it as well. This wrap
will constrict trunk growth and hold moisture rotting the bark. This soft bark makes a good place for insects
to enter the tree and fungus to rot the tree.
On the serious side, it is time to preemerge your lawn and
beds. This is a great time to fertilize
with organic fertilizers around your trees and shrubs. Everyone has already done a soil test –
right?, So you know what your yard needs to be it’s healthiest this year. Using horticultural oil or Neem oil to
smother over-wintering insects is an environmentally friendly way to control
these pests. For trees or shrubs with a
history of aphid, scale or white fly problems, a soil applied systemic
insecticide like Dominion would be good to put out now to protect the new
foliage as it leafs out. Rose
enthusiasts, get your pruners ready!
